Long story short:
- Mike decided we had major differences and chose to divorce in November 2004.
- November 2009 Beth decided the paperwork needed to be finished so she could move out of limbo & on with life.
- In between Mike experienced life and learned more about what he valued and Beth realized everyone is doing their best, it's only hair, it's only money and the only constant in life is change so you might as well embrace adventure and drive some of the change yourself.
- During November we each thought about what it would take to make a lifetime partnership work, discussed it and decided those major differences weren't so major anymore.
- June 2010 Mike proposed that we officially become not unmarried.
- A celebration, Las Vegas style, is being planned.
Short story longer:
Thanksgiving weekend 2004 I asked Mike if he'd made a final decision about divorcing. He had so the kids and I moved into an apartment and 7 months later I bought a house in Bloomington, Indiana for us to live in while I worked on two huge projects: figuring out who I am and what I want in life (still working on that one) and helping the National Park Service revise their interpretation and education training curriculum (the most rewarding professional project I have ever been involved in). Because it was a temporary position that depended on David Larsen's magical ability to find funding for it, we didn't process divorce paperwork in case I needed healthcare coverage at some point.
My job at the university involved a lot of travelling so Mike flew from San Francisco to Bloomington about once every five weeks to take care of the kids while I was gone. He'd rent a car and drive down from Indy and I'd take it right back up to catch my flight.
In 2007 a previous professor of mine called and asked me to apply for a position at the University of Nevada Las Vegas. I flew out on Valentine's Day for the interview just to get interviewing experience. It turned out to be an opportunity to be out in the field, applying what I'd been helping build and after much prayer and soul searching, I felt like a move to Las Vegas would have some sort of happy ending.
Mike relocated from San Francisco to Las Vegas a few months after I did so he could be closer to the kids. After both of us doing the single parent thing for so long, it was nice to be able to share the taxi driving and to get some time at home on my own too. I even had time to pick up a new hobby - rock climbing!
With a chance to have some non-Mom time I started to feel like I was ready to move on with life. As universal health care became closer to being a reality, it seemed like it was time to process the paperwork and put an official seal on our common law divorce.
Mike often joined us for family dinner and after fasting in November I was particularly grumpy at the table. I was feeling like I'll never be able to quit making mountains out of molehills or nagging everyone in the family so I announced that I felt like I needed to go and live by myself. The kids could move in with Mike and I'd find a smaller place for myself. Mike suggested we talk about it in the kitchen since it wasn't the best dinner table topic.
I hadn't intended on bringing up the divorce papers but it just came tumbling out. During the conversation I asked Mike if he'd accomplished what he'd hoped to with the divorce and he said No, the differences he thought were so important at the time didn't seem important anymore. I never expected that to happen! One of the reasons it took me so long to bring up the paperwork is because I knew the closure it would bring would bring a ton of sadness. Instead it has opened up a conversation that extended over a few months. We each thought about what we needed in a life partner and discussed what was important to us.
Those conversations were unlike anything we'd had in the past. It seems that both of us needed a chance to grow and develop on our own so that we could get to a place where we're more open and honest about who we are, what we need and what we can offer each other.
Life is so amazing and it's wonderful beyond words to be sharing life with Mike again. Sometimes it's difficult to sleep. Miranda shared a Dr. Seuss quote with me that explains why:
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
